Would You Steal From Me The Sorrow  I've Earned
by Genstarsmallpot92
Summary: But her eyes say it all, and he knows she understands, and more importantly that he's forgiven.SS/LE, After the 'Mudblood' Incident.


_**A/N: some of the text herein was taken from OOTP & DH, although I altered them slightly. Title was taken from a line from Ray Lamontagne's song 'Lesson Learned', cause trying to think of a title for this just hurt my brain :P**_

"_I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" _

_-__**Severus snape **__(Snape's Worst Memory)._

* * *

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The words left his lips before he could even fully comprehend the weight of them, as Severus struggled up of the sun dried grass, the voices of James and Lily raised in the air.

He didn't dare look at Lily, not wanting to find the expression on her face.

There was a beat, and then she spoke.

"Fine" she said coolly. "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."

Severus winced inwardly and dared to look at her then, but she turned to James as he seemed to take it upon himself to have a fit of gallantry and defend her.

"Apologize to Evans!" James roared at Snape, his wand pointing threateningly at him.

"I don't want t _you _to make him apologize," Lily shouted, rounding on him, "you're just as bad as he is."

Severus glanced her way again as she and James fought, James's face falling with each sharp word.

And with that Lily turned on her heel and hurried away, James calling after her.

But she didn't look back.

Potter's voice seemed to boom in his ears as Severus lost track of the flare of Lily's retreating hair as she fled.

There was another flash of light and Snape was once again hanging upside-down in the air.

"Who wants me to take off Snivelly's pants?"

Severus let out a dejected sigh underneath the curtain of his robes, and found he couldn't bring himself to care, almost.

**ii**

Severus's voice seemed to ring in Lilly's ears as she made her way into the girls dormitory's, bypassing a questioning Mary as she flung herself onto her four poster bed.

_Don't you dare cry Lily Evans._

_I was defending him!_

Lily fell back against the mattress.

_Mudblood._

And closed her eyes to avoid an onslaught of tears.

**iii**

Lily had somewhat regained herself later that evening, and prepared for what was surly going to be a very restless night sleep, she could hear the low din of her fellow Gryfifndors downstairs as she pulled on a dressing gown after taking a long look at her bed, and deciding it wouldn't be fruitful she headed down into the warmly lit common room.

Lily found a group of girls including Mary chatting animatedly, while Mary looked on incredulously at the group of girls.

Her head shot up when she saw Lily enter the room and sprung up of the floor striding over to her and dragging her away from the group of giggling girls.

"Mary, what-"

Mary ignored her friend. "Lily, why on earth is that Snape boy sitting in front of our portrait?"

Lily spluttered "He's what?"

"He's been sat there for the past hour and a half, stubborn as the day is long that one! He's refusing to leave, said he'd sleep out there if he had to, The Fat Lady's beside herself-your friends with him right? Can't you make him go away?"

Lily looked at the closed portrait hole and back to Mary, giving her a slight nod as she made her way over to the portrait hole and pushed it open slowly, stupidly in her mind thinking it would prolong the time it would take to see Severus.

Once he was in full view she let the door close by itself, ignoring The Fat Lady's mutterings, his back was turned to her as he sat hunched over on the step floor, his leg jittering slightly. But at the soft thud of the portrait closing he turned around and Lily swallowed slightly at the sight of him gathering himself quickly up off the stone floor.

It didn't take any time at all before he spoke.

"I'm sorry"

"I'm not interested"

"I'm sorry!"

Lily avoided his gaze.

"Save your breath" She stood with her arms folded tightly in front of her, somewhat defiant, " I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here".

Severus stood a little straighter, " I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"

"Slipped out?" Lily noticed the pleading look in his black eyes, but she went on, her voice seemed devoid of pity as she continued, " It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends-you see you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who can you?"

He opened his mouth, but closed it without speaking.

"I can't pretend anymore, you've chosen your way, I've chosen mine"

"No-listen, I didn't mean-"

Lily looked at him carefully, "-To call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

How could he even find the rights words? Lily had been one of a kind since he had first lay his eyes upon her, but how can he make her understand without revealing feelings he has long repressed, or is unable to convey.

He struggles on the verge of speech, but the delay seemed to be enough for Lily and she made to move towards the portrait hole.

Severus stepped forward, desperation sinking in at the thought that she was going to close the door on him forever.

Severus was feeling reckless and grabbed at Lily's wrist keeping her in place, he could see that her eyes were downcast, but her anger seemed to come off her in waves.

He's aware with painful clarity that if he doesn't speak, there will be no going back to what they have been to each other for seven years, his feelings for her so far than platonic for his first and only friend, his _best friend._

Severus willed her to look up at him, if he was going to say what he was about to say he wanted to witness the realization unfolding in her emerald eyes, or saying it would be for nothing.

Severus's voice was low when he spoke. "Surly you must know?"

Lily raised her head slowly, her anger dissipating as she looked up into Severus's face, the vulnerability in his face overwhelming in it's sadness.

Severus continued, "Don't you know who you are to me? Don't you know what you mean to me? All that you've done?"

He stares into her eyes and she realizes not for the first time that she can feel a blush rising to her cheeks, a common occurrence these days whenever his eyes seem to bare into he own. He tries to detect whether she understands the feelings he is desperately trying to convey.

But her eyes say it all, and he knows she understands, and more importantly that he's forgiven.

Lily cups his cheek and there's a sad little smile on her face as she gathers him into her embrace, and she realizes for the first time that he doesn't resist the affection, and allows himself to be held, allows himself to wrap her in his arms and breaths out a shaky breath into her hair.

Lily wonders how long he has gone without this, this kindness, and hugs him to her all the more tightly.

" I wish there was some way that I could save you, Severus" Lily says shakily into his shoulder.

Severus lips curl slightly, softly.

"You already have."

He kisses her then, and he's won something worthwhile that he just came so close to losing.

And like all good things worth having, this one will stay close to his heart.

**_End_**


End file.
